i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
