You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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