We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
