Dual....:-)
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
