You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
