I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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