laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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