You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
