OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
