remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
