Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
