and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
