he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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