Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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