I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
