He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
