in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
