Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize