Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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