he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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