I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
