i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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