well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
