She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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