I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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