who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
