Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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