you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
