I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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