true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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