At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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