Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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