I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Houston, we have a blender
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
