I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have already put on my inside pants.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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