moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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