Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
