u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
