You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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