I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
