Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
