Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
