We're like a lot better than the average bears
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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