dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
