well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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