Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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