The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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