Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Randomize
