I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
