I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
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