Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
