so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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