I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize