What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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