i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
