What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
