Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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