it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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