this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
