I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
