Non-Jews are for practice
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have fence marks all over my body
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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