soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
