i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize