i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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