roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
