dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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