I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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