i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's blow job season.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
