Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
