***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he laminated a picture of his dick.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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