If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
