my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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