You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
