TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize