We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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