I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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