We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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