he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize