Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Me too!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
