i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
