She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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