I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
