how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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