Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
