Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
