we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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