omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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