my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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