I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
