I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
