I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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