i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
