well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i think i just lost a toe
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
