I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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