Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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