she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm going to jail i love you
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
