How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
