i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
