Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
