My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
