Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
