I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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