i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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