when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
