woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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