i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
