i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
