This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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